Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
