I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
