he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was confusing and full of hummus
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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