im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
