New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
