why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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