i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she pinky promised me she was 18
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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