a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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