Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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