Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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