I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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