can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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