genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
