what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
me + whiskey = a bad person
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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