you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
