so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
