On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it hurts more in the daytime
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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