Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What a dumb baby whore.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
