Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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