she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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