We're like a lot better than the average bears
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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