you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
