I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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