I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
