That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
