It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
