I am puke
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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