I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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