i wish starbucks made bloody marys
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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