We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
