Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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