Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
