Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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