Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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