He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize