Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
