She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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