Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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