Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
