I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
