Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Enjoy the penises
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
