So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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