even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
