coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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