lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
