i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
