Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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