bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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