Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
