tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She's the barista slut.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
