I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yo dont text me then not text me
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
