I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
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