i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
