Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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