OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
