evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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