I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So much Jack, so little girl.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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