awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
