The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
