He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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