i think i have herpe
just one?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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