just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
