you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
