During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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