I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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