Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
