He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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