i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
