At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
