My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize