I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
