Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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