I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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