please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
