You're my little dorito
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
