My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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