ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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