he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
